you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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