quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
