They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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