They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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