Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
