My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
