brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I didn't notice because vodka
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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