I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
