God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
