I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
