And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
