these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
