Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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