I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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