All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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