Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
