If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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