seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
