Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
