Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
