What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
