I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
