I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
