new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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