I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So vagazzling was a success
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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