O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
