So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
