idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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