From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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