Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
