I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
