My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
