I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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