that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
accomplished twins. life is a go
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
