I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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