You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
