I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
