you traded sex for a burrito?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize