Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
zippers are such a cool invention
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
