Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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