Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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