you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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