walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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