He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
