OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
