last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
