So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
