you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
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I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize