I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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