we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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