I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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