Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
