I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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