Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
