Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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