i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
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tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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