JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
