i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
