I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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