stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
