physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
