Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Randomize
