Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
