my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
