I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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