Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I smell stomach acid.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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