Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
