Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
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HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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