Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
