They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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