So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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