I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Is Oprah even human
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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