I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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