please come you make the beer taste better
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
