Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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