i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
