I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
