So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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