Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
