She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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