If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
even my farts smell like vagina
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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