Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
