If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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