Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
