i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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