Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
