he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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