Ambien. No doubt about it.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
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You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
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Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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