I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Randomize
