Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
